You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
