I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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