I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
