The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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