Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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