It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
