I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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