i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
