so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
