So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wish you could order shots online.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
