Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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