distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize