I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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