We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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