I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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