Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
