she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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