My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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