Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
