I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Are my feet made of real feet?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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