I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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