omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my phone needs a breathalizer
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Text me some of your sweat
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
