i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
