the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize