Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
