remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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