Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
