Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
