youre lurking in front of me
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
