I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
