wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
