North Korea, Best Korea!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
