I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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