College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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