I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
