I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
