but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
