You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
