It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize