Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
