Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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