I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
