2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
