Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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