Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Pants are for mortals
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
