Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
