so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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