Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
