Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
