you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
stop calling my apartment porn island.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
