and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
