6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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