I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Randomize
