Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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