She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize