are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
