I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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