Who did Billy Mays play for?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
