Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
