She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
