sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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