She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
