remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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