I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
