Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
