He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
