I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
