I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I am naked and annoyed.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
