And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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