Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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