Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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