I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
