i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
