Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
