She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
