I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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