Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
