just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
